Some other observations along the road:
TIP # 4: God will provide all my needs if I let Him....I really believe I am so afraid that God won't meet my needs that I can block the flow by getting in there and trying to fill His role myself....Today (Im almost embarassed to admit how many blessings I received.) Hubby fixed breakfast, a friend dropped by for a visit and got me out for a yogurt, another friend came over and brought lunch and watched a movie with me and the kids came over to see if I needed anything. Now in the old days I might would have missed it with my "Never enough" attitude....:(
TIP # 5: Which brings me to the next tip Im trying to re-remember over and over again...Practicing gratitude is a daily discipline - definitely not a feeling. Practicing gratitude is a habit which increases my joy...
TIP # 6: Feel my feelings. It's important in taking care of myself to identify my feelings and express them in a healthy manner if possible. In program circles they used to say "Trace it, face it and erase it." and "you can't heal what you can't feel"...This helped me learn the value of my feelings. Later I have had to learn that although important, feelings don't get to run the show. "The mind controlled by the spirit is life and peace." Romans 8:6
Sunday, April 01, 2012
Friday, March 30, 2012
RECOVERY - SOMETIMES SWIFTLY; SOMETIMES SLOWLY
Yikes,I broke two bones in my leg when I "took a tumble" (thanks, Jan) walking on Saturday.....I had surgery two days ago. I feel like I am back at the beginning of my addiction recovery in some ways....back remembering the basics....taking it one day at a time....
So I thought I'd blog my way through. Maybe I can share some tips that are helping me make it through and you can share any ideas you might have too?
So for now, what's working
TIP #1) Don't over do it.....Accept where I am and surrender to the processs. I can remember in the early days of my addiction recovery I was in so much (emotional) pain I was in a hurry to get it over with. I thought I could be done once and for all and out of pain...but you really cannot push the river in recovery and.....the same goes for the human body. Although amazing in its capacity to heal, it does have it's own timing.
TIP # 2) Trust in my Higher Power....When I first began on my journey to transformation, I really didn't know my Higher Power. Today, (although admittedly I still have much to learn, I do know a few things...(in large part thanks to Sandy Ross and many life experiences) I know God is good. I know God loves me personally. I know God has a good plan for my life. I know I can trust Him and his will. I know He makes all things work together for the good. And He can and will provide me comfort and solace.
TIP # 3) Ask for help. I tried to do everything by myself when I was a newbie. I used to think it was shameful to need help and a sign of weakness. Now I know that it's human and healthy to need help. Ok...here's where I need help! CRUTCHES SUCK...any tips out there?
More tips tomorrow.
Stephanie Ellis Ecke, LPC aka The Trauma Queen (www.thetraumaqueen.com) can be contacted via her website. To schedule an appointment, please call 210-287-4002
So I thought I'd blog my way through. Maybe I can share some tips that are helping me make it through and you can share any ideas you might have too?
So for now, what's working
TIP #1) Don't over do it.....Accept where I am and surrender to the processs. I can remember in the early days of my addiction recovery I was in so much (emotional) pain I was in a hurry to get it over with. I thought I could be done once and for all and out of pain...but you really cannot push the river in recovery and.....the same goes for the human body. Although amazing in its capacity to heal, it does have it's own timing.
TIP # 2) Trust in my Higher Power....When I first began on my journey to transformation, I really didn't know my Higher Power. Today, (although admittedly I still have much to learn, I do know a few things...(in large part thanks to Sandy Ross and many life experiences) I know God is good. I know God loves me personally. I know God has a good plan for my life. I know I can trust Him and his will. I know He makes all things work together for the good. And He can and will provide me comfort and solace.
TIP # 3) Ask for help. I tried to do everything by myself when I was a newbie. I used to think it was shameful to need help and a sign of weakness. Now I know that it's human and healthy to need help. Ok...here's where I need help! CRUTCHES SUCK...any tips out there?
More tips tomorrow.
Stephanie Ellis Ecke, LPC aka The Trauma Queen (www.thetraumaqueen.com) can be contacted via her website. To schedule an appointment, please call 210-287-4002
Friday, November 18, 2011
Saturday, October 29, 2011
HOW TO HEAL FROM LOVE AVOIDANCE - PART 2
We left off yesterday with the cause of Love Avoidance: enmeshment with the opposite sex parent. If this is the case with you, enter therapy to work through childhood feelings stemming from enmeshment Oftentimes these are feelings of deep anger and the pain and fear of the precious child you once were. Some experts even go so far as to call this form of enmeshment "emotional incest".....
4) Establish boundaries. Boundaries are essential for the love avoidant. They mustfeel that they can say no. Because the love avoidant often stays in a relationship out of duty and not love, they don't say no when they need to. Later, resenting the partner and using that as an excuse to "have a life".....(Leave the relationship for another person or an addiction).....
5) Whether through working the steps or some other route, to recover, one must connect to a higher power. The 12 steps are designed to bring us to a spiritual awakening, where we can come to rely on a loving God who cares for us and our wellbeing. If you don't have that yet,it's going to be almost impossible to get better. I suggest you speak to a minister, priest, rabbi, or someone who can help you.
More on recovery from Love Avoidance tomorrow.....stay tuned.
4) Establish boundaries. Boundaries are essential for the love avoidant. They mustfeel that they can say no. Because the love avoidant often stays in a relationship out of duty and not love, they don't say no when they need to. Later, resenting the partner and using that as an excuse to "have a life".....(Leave the relationship for another person or an addiction).....
5) Whether through working the steps or some other route, to recover, one must connect to a higher power. The 12 steps are designed to bring us to a spiritual awakening, where we can come to rely on a loving God who cares for us and our wellbeing. If you don't have that yet,it's going to be almost impossible to get better. I suggest you speak to a minister, priest, rabbi, or someone who can help you.
More on recovery from Love Avoidance tomorrow.....stay tuned.
Friday, October 28, 2011
HOW TO OVERCOME LOVE AVOIDANCE
Love avoidants don't seem to come in for therapy as much as their counterpart - the love addict. However, occasionally they do....especially when they realize that they have broken up with that perfectly nice gal they were involved with for no good reason....and it keeps happening....As they get older, the love avoidant begins the see a pattern and their loneliness may drive them in for help.
Although on the outside, the love avoidant seems more "together" than the love addict, sometimes they are more difficult to deal with. So what are the steps to conquering love avoidance.
1) Address primary addictions. Oftentimes the love avoidant is addicted to something - be it alcohol, sex,excessive sports, risk taking, etc. Their addiction makes them unavailable for intimacy.
2) Join a Support Group. It is important for the The Love Avoidant to join a support group such as a 12 step group in order to begin practicing healthy intimacy in a safe environment.
3) Deal with childhood wounding. The love avoidant generally speaking has had enmeshment with their opposite sex parent. As children, they felt the pressure of emotionally and sometimes physically taking care of an addicted or otherwise immature parent. This was too much and overwhelming to the child. So much so, that in adulthood, they fear intimacy and fear they will be suffocated or overwhelmed - a relive of their childhood experience.
Stay tuned for part 2 of this article tomorrow.....
Questions, comments....if you would like more information on Love addiction or avoidance or to make an appointment, please call Stephanie at 210-287-4002
Although on the outside, the love avoidant seems more "together" than the love addict, sometimes they are more difficult to deal with. So what are the steps to conquering love avoidance.
1) Address primary addictions. Oftentimes the love avoidant is addicted to something - be it alcohol, sex,excessive sports, risk taking, etc. Their addiction makes them unavailable for intimacy.
2) Join a Support Group. It is important for the The Love Avoidant to join a support group such as a 12 step group in order to begin practicing healthy intimacy in a safe environment.
3) Deal with childhood wounding. The love avoidant generally speaking has had enmeshment with their opposite sex parent. As children, they felt the pressure of emotionally and sometimes physically taking care of an addicted or otherwise immature parent. This was too much and overwhelming to the child. So much so, that in adulthood, they fear intimacy and fear they will be suffocated or overwhelmed - a relive of their childhood experience.
Stay tuned for part 2 of this article tomorrow.....
Questions, comments....if you would like more information on Love addiction or avoidance or to make an appointment, please call Stephanie at 210-287-4002
Saturday, September 10, 2011
SELF-CARE THROUGH CREATING JOY
We may think that joy is elusive, that we just have to wait until happiness comes to us. Happiness and joy are not the same things though. Happiness does seem transient, based on circumstances. But we can make a choice to create joy in our lives. With just a few simple actions, we can prime our pumps for more joy in our lives.
1. Journal regularly. Writing your thoughts and feelings puts things in perspective, serves as an objective sounding board and can create a more positive mood.
2. Speak encouraging words to yourself. It is a proven fact that positive affirmations have the power to create a positive outlook. Write your own, claim bible verses...catch yourself when you are saying something negative and change it to a positive truth.
3. Do it differently! Whether it is changing the way you drive to work, taking a new class, or trying an exotic dish for the first time, changing your routine is a great way to add more zest to your life.
4. Express gratitude. Information abounds on the positive effects of practicing gratitude. Make a gratitutde list, tell someone you appreciate them or write a thank you note. Find ways to express your thankfulness for the positive things in your life. You will be amazed at how it will lift your mood.
5. Use your senses to enhance joy. Smell the roses, eat your favorite food, feel the grass under your feet, listen to a beautiful symphony. Your senses were meant to give you pleasure and pleasure increases joy.
What are some ways you produce joy in your life?
Call Stephanie Ecke, LPC at 210-287-4002 for help creating more joy in your life...
1. Journal regularly. Writing your thoughts and feelings puts things in perspective, serves as an objective sounding board and can create a more positive mood.
2. Speak encouraging words to yourself. It is a proven fact that positive affirmations have the power to create a positive outlook. Write your own, claim bible verses...catch yourself when you are saying something negative and change it to a positive truth.
3. Do it differently! Whether it is changing the way you drive to work, taking a new class, or trying an exotic dish for the first time, changing your routine is a great way to add more zest to your life.
4. Express gratitude. Information abounds on the positive effects of practicing gratitude. Make a gratitutde list, tell someone you appreciate them or write a thank you note. Find ways to express your thankfulness for the positive things in your life. You will be amazed at how it will lift your mood.
5. Use your senses to enhance joy. Smell the roses, eat your favorite food, feel the grass under your feet, listen to a beautiful symphony. Your senses were meant to give you pleasure and pleasure increases joy.
What are some ways you produce joy in your life?
Call Stephanie Ecke, LPC at 210-287-4002 for help creating more joy in your life...
Saturday, June 25, 2011
BEAUTY: PART 2
I have continued my pondering on what beauty really means...
A very interesting definition of the word was found in dictionary.com It said:
"the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, color, sound, etc.), a meaningful design or pattern, or something else (as a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest)."
Wow!!
The important words in this definition are: pleasure, satisfaction, mind, sensory, meaningful, and spiritual.....these are the qualities that must be present for us to find BEAUTY.....
As we began contemplating these ideas, my friend Charlotte Jorgansen, Black Belt Nia Instructor and I developed some concepts for a workshop to help you find the Beauty Within....I am hoping she will be a guest writer in the next post....Stay tuned to hear from her and to get more info on our upcoming workshops!
what is your idea of beauty? how do you attain it? When do you feel most beautiful? I'd love to hear your thoughts.
A very interesting definition of the word was found in dictionary.com It said:
"the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, color, sound, etc.), a meaningful design or pattern, or something else (as a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest)."
Wow!!
The important words in this definition are: pleasure, satisfaction, mind, sensory, meaningful, and spiritual.....these are the qualities that must be present for us to find BEAUTY.....
As we began contemplating these ideas, my friend Charlotte Jorgansen, Black Belt Nia Instructor and I developed some concepts for a workshop to help you find the Beauty Within....I am hoping she will be a guest writer in the next post....Stay tuned to hear from her and to get more info on our upcoming workshops!
what is your idea of beauty? how do you attain it? When do you feel most beautiful? I'd love to hear your thoughts.
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